My daughter thought this was funny!

Managing Anxiety

Managing anxiety with my daughter has been a challenge for us.  Partly because my husband and I don't struggle with anxiety much and partly because I just don't understand the level of anxiety or all of the triggers for her.

The anxiety appears when she's asked to do a certain task or when she doesn't sense a person is going to unconditionally support her.

I know reading aloud is a huge trigger in any setting of any material.  She doesn't even like to read aloud when it's just her and I alone.  And we learned when my daughter's beloved tutor was reassigned, the new tutor caused a lot of anxiety.  Mainly because it was all new and he tackled some things differently.  It was a setback for my daughter and took some time for her to establish a relationship with him and settle in to the new set up.  She doesn't perform well when she doesn't think people have her back.  She is very guarded and shuts down with any display of a lack of support. (her perception of lack of support is a little off as well)

Once she's convinced a person will unconditionally support her, she will try.  And try hard.  As I've mentioned before, she trusts her diving coach and it shows by the stunts she attempts.  She loves to meet and connect with people and really doesn't have any fear of strangers.  (As long as they don't ask her to read aloud ;-)

A lot of the challenge is reassigning her anxiety and fear...  reading aloud for a trained, licensed tutor in a safe environment who wants to help her succeed should not be scary, but interacting with strangers in an unknown environment should be.  I love that my daughter has an eye for marginal people and a heart to connect and help them. I certainly don't want to change that.  But a good dose of caution goes a long way in personal safety.

I have a hard time explaining that to her without heaping more anxiety on her to deal with.  I do not want to throw fear onto a task she does well (connecting with people) since she already has a lot of anxiety over the things she does not do well (read, write, etc)  It seems it would be downright discouraging  to tarnish a skill she enjoys and needs to feel successful.  I've placed the burden on myself to find ways and places for her to utilize her strengths.

My daughter also struggles with bad dreams... Dyslexics have often been described as seeing in three dimensions and being very visual therefore, it seems to me (and again, I'm not an expert) visual images must really burn into her brain.  When she sees a scary image it really sticks with her and it must be vivid since it seems so hard for her to forget.  For this reason, we try to guard what she sees knowing it brings bad dreams and it takes a lot of sleep loss, prayers, and reassurance from mom and dad to recover.  And all those distract from the things she needs her brain to power through.

For now, we've decided not to seek medication therapy, but want to help her to learn ways to cope and manage with the anxiety.

Any tips you can share?  I'd love to know what else we can try (or avoid)...

Diving

One of things we've discovered is our daughter needs something nonacademic to do.  After spending most of her day in an environment where most things are difficult for her, she needs an environment where she can excel.

For our daughter, it's diving.

Her small stature and lack of fear has been a great match with the sport of diving.  It also pushes her brain to process steps, approaches, jumps, twists, and tucks in just a few seconds time.  Which surprisingly she does well...  but I think it's because she lacks some of the mental shutdown she sometimes brings to academic items.

And she has an outstanding coach.  He narrates and shows her want he wants her to do (either poolside or has another diver perform from the board), then he asks her to do it and when she gets it right, he has her repeat the motion(s) several times.  Once it's solid in her brain, she can do it.  It may take some time to solidify it, but she gets there.  And the fact she knows that, keeps her trying.

 I mentioned her lack of fear earlier and this is one of the baffling things for me as her mom.  There are times when she exhibits a lot of anxiety and fear.  Helping her manage this anxiety is one of my biggest challenges.  However, I've learned this anxiety is triggered mainly by school, reading aloud, and general academic settings because when it comes to other things- she exhibits very little.  For example, she has no problem whatsoever jumping off the 7 meter platform into 20 feet deep diving well.  Repeatedly.  

Diving also gives her time with kids both older and younger than her. She loves meeting and connecting with people. And the beauty is none of them know her academic status unless she divulges it.  This setting gives her freedom from her difficulties. 

And it's just what she needs.

What works for your child?

Glimmer

Dyslexia Quest App

Here's a few screen captures and thoughts about an app I recently purchased for my daughter.  I'm always looking for fun ways to let her practice skills.  She has enjoyed this app finding it both challenging and rewarding as she sees improvement. 

App Name: Dyslexia Quest
Price: $1.99

Choose your age range

Choose a Quest

First stop on the Tiger Quest

My results (clearly, I have some work to do!)

The Fine Print

List of skills this app works on the quests

 On a side note...

I completed a quest among the craziness of my household... (kids asked me questions, hubs called on phone, sister texted, dog barked, etc) I really had to work through those distractions to stay focused and by the end, my brain literally hurt.  (It went much better later when I was alone without distractions) 

It was a good reminder to me how my daughter must feel most of the time.  It's not always possible to give her the quiet, distraction free space and ample time she needs to be successful.  She often tells me 'my brain hurts'.  The $1.99 I paid was worth experiencing a bit of her world.